Sunday, February 12, 2017

breath of ecstasy


we are the pioneer sinners
we invented iniquities 
that no one has done before
we are poets and authors 
we create lives
out of our imagination
we put the prologue
we plot
and we predict endings
to suit our desires
we revive the deads
and kill the livings
we create realms of fantasy
and drag the readers into different worlds
we revive imagery
out of letters
we keep you up all night
we steal your attention
and influence your dreams
to hate
to love
to terrify you
and yet
we face injustice
every time our writings die
when not being read
we die inside
we're jealous
we're broken
when our books are not equally appreciated 
as the efforts it took
to spell our minds
into papers
we are the keepers of memories
and what keeps us going
the resurrection within
of an author
who never truly dies
every time someone reads his words
he's up for one more breathe
of ecstasy

Friday, February 10, 2017

Memories

have you ever yearned a past
that you never really enjoyed
i have
is it that every day for us is worse than the one before
or may be we lack the wisdom
and enthusiasm
to enjoy now
memories
frozen moment
triggered by the likes of which
alarming
inside your mind
some makes your heart pump faster
some makes you close to faint
some pass with no reaction to your face
some are heartbreaking
some are cheerful
you're trapped in the past
you never enjoyed
that you spoil the moment
and you lose all hope
of a better future
now you realize
you're in a closed circle
and that you grew older
with every dead dream
with every lost love
with every lost
opportunity
and you're triggered
by links that remind you of the past
and you're not happy with where you are now
all in vain

Saturday, August 31, 2013

MY BOOK

http://www.amazon.com/Shaded-dreams-hazy-days-psychotic/dp/1492162000/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377966221&sr=8-1&keywords=shaded+dreams+and+hazy+days


MY FIRST PUBLISHED BOOK

SHADED DREAMS AND HAZY DAYS

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

As Somnolence takes me in



At night under the eye of the sun
Last moment before you give up reality
And before you give in to dreams
There is state where you may choose which gate to pass in your sleep
There was a time when you dedicated that song for me
That song was my Panacea that keeps my heart together
That kept my eyes from weeping
That kept my soul from creeping
In a world full of non since
You made the entire unknown soulful
Now that the dark destiny torn us apart
Forfeits you in another world
Like the gray clouds obscuring the sun in long cold winter
As Somnolence takes me in
The songs that used to make us dance in exhilaration
Those songs became the poison
The drug that I’m eternally addicted to
As my eyes are floods with thin film of bitter tears
In that state of Somnolence I feel total despair to see you again
It might sound insane
But yes
An incarnated light of your sweet face manifested in a reverie
So I give up my sorrows
Hoping that we will be joined tomorrow
And I fall into my own bubble of void insanity

you wake up in pain

Eyes
You wake up insane
You wake up in pain
You’ve seen the last moments of a silent dream
And you’ll soon be reopened to a nightmare
Loud and clear
That the love you’ve once had
The passion that you used to share
For ever gone
It’s not really there
So hold and behold
It’s the same garden
The same sycamore that used to hold us in its shade
Behold the phantom of the birds
That used to fill the place with their songs
Behold the pavements that used to blossom and cheer
Behold the branches covered in ice
The dead leaves and cold wind plays them
Behold the scared bleeding heart
Cold like the days of September
Behold my eyes you can’t cry
My soul went ice dry
And nothing can move it again
You wake up in pain covered with newspaper
Like any beggar
Only you beg for her back
For the sun on your face
For the lake to be alive again
For the love that you once had
You breathe but you don’t seem to be alive
Inhaling sadness
Exhaling regrets and the stinks of your stupid mistakes
And as the spring arrives
You won’t feel any warmth
To your heart you can’t feel her close
The sun seems pale on the gloomy sunrise
You once called her my life
And when she left you felts that everything inside you dies
Now that she’s for ever gone
Behold the last few moments of your silent dream
As loud as cruel
You will never feel her in your arms again

i curse the moon

As I passed by the castle
Where I used to be a knight
I stared at the ruins
Of the glory that bards used to sing
And all I heard was predatory Howling
And the dark of ravens in the sky
I couldn’t take it
I want to hide inside my head
As I walked beneath the grayish twilight
A gloomy site
The fire has eaten everything
Between the dark blue noise
I thought I heard that voice
It said she’s waiting for you
In the ancient temple
Behind the stream
But I knew
It’s all lies
And the walls of the castle
Would deceive me
Who am I
Just a homeless in a place that I used to call home
Just a shadow amongst the darkness where I used to live the light
And under the gloomy grayish twilight
I saw her walking towards me from a distance
Down the stream
Beside the ancient temple ruins
Could it be that I am dreaming
Could it be that she too survived
A sign of life between the shades
Beside the dead fountain
There she was in black cloak
As the cold wind brought her perfume to my lungs
I felt alive
So I took her in my arms
I let a tear
She wasn’t real
She just vanished through the shades
And I fell to my knees
On the rocky streets of the old town
Where I used to be the child
I just wept by the stream
My bitter tears emerged the water
And my dreams found their way to the cemeteries
I’m a stranger in this place
Where they all died
I will live with my disgrace
And every day I just walk amongst the ruins
Amongst my memories
The place is dead
Where I used to be a youth
White of hairs burnt my head
I am close to fall dead
And all I wanted was one last time
To see the place where I used to be a king
Where I used to drink and sing
Where we never knew the sorrows
Where we thought that tomorrow
Will never bring us so much pain
Will never ever break our hearts
And beneath that tree by the stream
Where we both lived a dream
Where we had our first kiss
Where the air carried the words of I love you of our lips
We never knew that we’re destined to be torn apart
On that place where I used to be alive
I curse that day when I was the only who survived
I curse the moon and its light in a long long lonely night
I curse myself it is true I survived but I just ran I didn’t fight

Monday, December 10, 2012

Disillusionment



don't pour me disillusionment in small doses
be kind
but fill my glass at once
and if you wish to leave me
don't cut me with this reality slowly
be tender
and stab me in snap motion
don't take the emotions out of the equation
it's just you and me
it's just us
so drag me into misery at once
if you wish to leave me to my destiny
don't you go wasting my time
if you wish to leave
don't you pour me frustration in small doses
be kind
but fill my glass at once
turn your back to me
and leave before i fill my glass with all the tears
ditch me
be tender and leave
before you give me that stupid selfish offer
that you gonna be around for me
i need you not
and if you wish to leave
leave under the silence of night
leave me no notes
it's just a dream I'm dreaming
and as i wake up
I'll realize its a good dream
but getting shallow on me like this
after all what you've said
and all what you've done
breaking up can't be smooth
can not be fun
so if you wish to leave
don't pour me sadness in small doses in my wine
be kind
if you're not mine
but fill my glass at once with all disillusionment

Monday, November 26, 2012

If I die Tonight



If I die tonight
I lived my life
I have no regrets
For what I’ve done
I had all fun
But it wasn’t fun
What’s done is done
I had so many beers
I shed so many tears
I scared away all my fears
And I’m still alive
It wasn’t fun
I didn’t feel the light or the warmth of the sun
I didn’t enjoy the cool breeze of summer’s night
I didn’t fight
I didn’t fight
I didn’t fight for what I stand for
I’m still thirsty for some more
More fun
More full moons
More of the warm sun
If tonight I drop dead
I won’t be afraid
Because I’ve done so well in my life
And I was a good kid
I enjoyed all the beers
And all the tears just set me free
To be as I wanted to be
I don’t repent
And if I die tonight
I’m no fighter
But I did fight
To make throw the darkest night
And I conquered all my fears
With nothing but bittersweet tears
And I will yearn
The good all days
When I was free
To be what I wanted to be
Not my mold made me
And if I die tonight
I’ll have no regrets for my life
I’ll feel alive
Because I left so many smiles
On many faces
And all the memories
In many places
If I die tonight
I won’t miss this life
Because you were my life
And I miss you
Until we reunite
Please angle of death
Come and collect my soul
Reap my nick
I’m just sick
Of being alive
And feeling dead
Without her in my life
I’m just a zombie
A living dead



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

i knew it's you

I love you
Like no other ever loved
Like I can’t live without you
For a moment without you is eternity of emptiness
I love you be mine I am thine so be mine because I loved you
Unconditionally I’m insane
So ease my pain
Be mine again
For a moment without you is eternity in hell of sorrow
My heart turns hollow with screaming crows
Waiting for tomorrow
When our fingers mingle
I feel tingle
For a moment without you is eternity in hell of emptiness
I feel dread
I feel I’m dead
For a smile a mile away as the air carries your scent
And your light of your eyes you light my heart
Scaring crows away
Hold me tight
Bring the white of doves
Calms my heart
Eternal peace between your arms
For your laughter is my Eden
Be mine until nothing tears us apart
I’m thine
And my love toward you
Has no end and no beginning
I knew
I knew it’s you
When we first met
I knew how I felt
In your Elysium my heart flew like a feather
Like no other
I loved you
Because I loved you so be mine I’m yours be mine I loved you

Saturday, November 17, 2012

psychoses XII permanent traveler


The voice of sadness too bleak too weak
The pain though hurts beyond any
Tears refuse to flow
As the heart overflows
Sobs stay hidden beneath
As a sigh escapes
Lips sealed
Heart mended
Yet a sea of emotions floats in my eyes
my feelings are dispersed within hearts that I can't find
and I feel crumbled into myself without you by my side
emotions so strong and I can't contain
my hands tremble
I feel weak
I can't speak
my soul is scattered into too many eyes i can't meet
but I’m drowning into my own lake of fire
as the eyes I want to meet
I can no longer seek
And as I wonder in the streets
In the café
On the sidewalk to the garden
Near the lake
I feel lost
In too many places
I see you in all the faces
I feel lost
I’m everywhere
In the past where we said our first I love you
A permanent traveler
When we said our vows
About the future
And now you’re gone
I feel lost in the timeline
Abandoned like an old church
Neglected like an old book on a shelf of that church
I feel unholy
Omitted rhyme on that book that was wiped
I wipe my tears
But one escapes into the lake
My reflection waves
And I see you in my heart
A broken smile
One last rhyme
I feel lost like a green leaf on that leak fell too early
With all the widows
I’m the youngest
One last tear that I won’t sob
We’ll meet again in a dream

Psychoses XI All In vain



Too much caffeine
Too much sorrow
Endless pain
My happy days seem far away
True love gone in vain
I was mad
Mad about her
And when she left
Now I’m insane
Too many voices in my head
I thought she’s dead
And I was dead
Without her in my life
Screaming in the blue noise
Suppressing my voice
And no one can hear me
Too much yells in vain
She gave me joy
She gave me hope in tomorrow
Now she’s gone
Too many plans
Too many prayers
All in vain
All in vain
Too much love gone in vain
One chance that I wasted
Too much love gone in vain
One voice in my head is too much for being insane
Too much time
Too many rhymes
I adore her still
All in vain
I recovered
Back from death
I adore her still
Before I shoot her off my life
Ill drop dead
I’m ill
Too much love gone in vain
All my life
All my dreams for tomorrow
Without her
All gone in vain

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Psychoses X one voice

What can I say to find that pleasure?
One smile of yours
Elysium
Deep within and all in between
One voice in my head
Or a million attempt
Until the moment I’m dead
One voice in my head prevails
Never give her up
And all dies down
What should I do to gain your trust to gain your love
I think I’m givin up
I think I can’t stop
Can’t stop lovin you
My dearest of all
My one and only
My all
I can't take it any more
And I think you don't love me back
A sudden death
A heart attack
Brain damaged
My soul is wounded
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been to hell before
But never like this
Nothing like that smile
In the psychotic head
May be I’m dead
Before you really smiled at me
And I’m in love with every smile you smiled and I’ve never seen
Every laughter of your sweet lips
Every time I think how sweet would be your kiss
Every teardrop
A heavy rain
And every...
Every time I try to let go
I see you in a dream
It’s all hazy
Enough… never enough
It’s just crazy I’m bound to my chains
Everlasting pain
Without you
And I can't let go
One voice in my head
LET GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Monday, November 12, 2012

Fragrance

Can't you see
She means the world to me
And the world won't let us be
Like a bird in her cage
Like a whale away from the ocean was thrown in the dead sea
whenever i raid her chamber
Under the blue moonlight
Drawn by the light of her darkest sphere bewitched eyes
Sparkle of diamonds on her nick burning with desire at night
Curved foxy smile welcomes me right
Waterfall rubbing smoothie chest of Persian precious stones
As you see your face on her lustrous breast
As she's all lost in her Swagger to her mirror and the brush
It's the heat of the night or the fire in my heart her cheeks blush
was she shy or the wine got her high
As she saw me on the mirror she let a moan i let a sigh
Reddish dark silky of her hair as we held tight
Aroma of her fragrance get me stoned at sight
Even if she hasn't used any perfume her scent flight
Wild Thoroughbred mare free of saddle
As she danced to my music all through night
But the fire in my heart kept on burning until the dawn broke bright
Free and wild will always be in my hiding spot just a scout I'm not a knight
Prying used my eagle eye at the princess from a distance to my heart i can't hold tight
So keep the distance or you'll be shot she's princess you're just a scout
One last look with so much grief
Just one kiss on the lips
Just one touch of her hands in mine
Just one bottle of white french wine
my hand just slipped through her fingers as we kissed goodbye
Just one dance all the dark hours of the night slipped in moments
through her fingers we cursed the sunrise as we promised our next tryst when the 1st star shines at dusk announce the mystery of the night
As all i wanted from a princess was one kiss keeps me going through the day under the sunlight it's all gloomy dim time i can't fight
It won't matter if my heart for one second has just stopped when we part her warm kiss will keep it pumping till next time inside her chamber we reunite

Saturday, November 10, 2012

psychoses IX i was told



It was the darkest hour
The hour of the great black vampire
And there was that dark arrival
The white avenger

I don’t remember what I was told

I was told to fight

To fight myself

To maintain inner peace

Peace peace peace

I didn’t believe him

I was told to have patience

Or to strike with no mercy

And I choose peace

I was told I’m one of the arrivals

Those who brings an end of an era

Known to be the worst since the creation

And I didn’t believe

I was told many things

Think think

Do you think?

And finally I was told to love you

And I believed

In an instant

And until for ever

I’m in love with you

Friday, November 2, 2012

Psychosis VII Emptiness



Psychosis VII Emptiness

What is it when you wake up in the morning?
And all you think of is that you have no reason to live
What is that feeling of emptiness?
When you have nothing to fight for
Nothing to give
When 6000 grand thoughts are racing in your head
But it’s just a hollow
And you fell you’re dead
I’ve been to hell before
I’ve been to hell before
I’ve been 24
With a hard rock in my chest
I’m not capable of loving
Or even worse
I’m not capable of loving back
What is it when you look at your life
Memories you can’t tell if they’re real
Dreams they look surreal
And you want to tighten the loose ends
And loosen your heart a bit
I’ve been to hell before
I’ve been to hell before
I’ve been twenty four
When I lost so many loved ones
They still lives
But out of site
And out of my life
There is no turning back
Lesson learned... not really
Just one last racing thought
Even hard rocks may sigh the Goosebumps
Even zombies still have one last heart pump




Tuesday, September 4, 2012

FULL MOON

A hundred million thoughts racing in my mind
Full moons migraines werewolf fairy tales
As it gets me sad stoned mad drunk
Blending my thoughts all into one
All the truths into one

Aint no truth
Aint no fun
But gets me careless reckless brave
Starting a war leading and conquer many lands
Earring titles and treasures that was never found
Gets me yearn the good all days when I was sane
Gets me yearn the good old girl that I once loved
Gets me high up in the sky in a state of rapture
But usually gets me empty
I feel dead
I wake up in the morning with no memories of the night before
Dizzy the head
Hazy my sight
I see visions from faraway places
Far future
When everything we have will be lost
A hundred million thoughts raging in my head
Aint no truth But one
I’m the Lord’s servant
The Lord is one

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Ray Of Light

Where ever I go
I felt your presence
Aura of fire
Wrapping me tenderly
Blinded by your smile
all day my eyes are rolling
but all i see it's you
World doesn’t seem the same
You’re in my mortified dream
There is no escape
Just a shadow
Between the crowds
Where I could hear silence
i could hear my heart beats
Just for a second as you pass
Ray of light
From behind the clouds
A strike of thunder
Announcing rain
I keep looking
I keep dreaming
Will you ever find me again
And whenever I lose hope
It terrifies me
You wake me up with a smile
Dear it’s just a dream

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Psychoses VI the Setback




let it rain

let it rain in my brain
to wash away
all the dirt
all the the doubt
all the guilt
all the wrongs
all the rights
all the wrongs that made me strong
but took the passion
and killed my heart
all the rights that made me proud
i didn't do them
it's called vanity
a fault pride
that broke my heart
so please Allah
let it rain in my brain
take the pain
leave a smile
i'm insane
and why am i insane
cause you're alway in my mind
so cast those evil out
make it bright
and cleanse my heart
from all the hatred
and the doubts
if you won't help
no one will
no one can
and now one cares

Turn back time

I have a dream
If I can go back in time
I would correct all the wrongs
That made you silp away
And i would go for the same places
And redo the same mistakes
That lead me to your way
And i would fight the Inevitable
I’ll do the impossible
To keep you by my side
But I can't turn back time
And my pain shall never subside

cafe latté

cafe latté
 
With a smiley face printed on
 
Comfy armchairs for two
 
My best movie on TV
 
Fireplace
 
Rain is knocking on my window
 
Composing a melody of grace
 
And you’re here too
 
Hand in hand
 
And your sweet smile
 
Your sweet… face
 
What else would I need
 
When you’re all that I need
 
Right when I need it
 
And for a life time

peace

Here I am
This is where I stand
Where I came from
And where I’ll settle down
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
The lord is my shepherd
They call me a lost sheep
But I feel found
They call me cursed
But I’m all graced
I’ve no regrets for the past
And I’ve no worries for the future
Cause it’s in the hand of God
And it’s right here
And right now
Where I stand
In God’s hand
I own this moment
It’s not good
I can’t call it bad
I just call it mine
And I choose peace
I treasure love
I seek happiness
And I demand faith
It’s just all in the hand of my God
That’s my faith
From this moment on
Peace peace peace

Whirling dervish

Eyes are roaming the horizon
my compass is whirling in the speed of sound
like a mad dervish
That day
One sweet day
When she smiled at me
I drifted away
I wanted to break free
I was broken already
I wasn’t ready
Didn’t want to scare you away
But that day
And that sweet smile
The flash of your eyes
Stuck in my mind
Can’t you see?
I had no faith
you gave it back to me
I was blinded by rage
And I just couldn’t see
Am now in the wild open sea
Wasn’t that real
When you smiled at me
Now am shattering
And drowning in thee
Why didn’t you leave your beacon on?
Why don’t you smile again?
That sparkle in your eye
In my heart will remain
I still believe
Your love I can regain
I’m drowning in thee
So pull me out
All my thoughts of you
Left me in drought
You’re out of sight
But your smile still haunting me
It’s like history has stopped
Since I ran away
It’s just wasn’t right
I’m stuck in that day
Lost in the darkness
so light that beacon
and once again
please smile at me

Friday, August 3, 2012

pride


Damn my pride and damn yours
Here’s our story
How it starts and how it goes
She just knew that I loved her
True I did but
I’ll be dead
Before I tell her
Damn you pride
Behind that wall as we were walking
As I was dreaming
And that voice
Inside my head saying
She’s the one
In that instant
At the gate we collided
All the distance all between us is just a foot
As our eyes met our spirits melt
Eyes widely opened jaw just dropped
For a minute we just stood
As we gazed at each other

All the words all the flirting
Between our eyes
In our heart will remain for ever
It’s so clear we’ve just fallen for each other
But damn our pride
She just ran so I followed
Climbed the stairs
I just followed
How and why
By her charms I was drawn
In my ears music played
They’re just singing
She’s the one
Then I stopped what I am doing
It was meant that we met
Just go home
You’re a toad and she’s a queen
3 minutes later
At another door our eyes met
With a friend to the left
And her girlfriend
To the right again we gazed
With a million question
In our minds
A million beats
Of our hearts
It’s just insane
We didn’t fall for each other
We just hugged
Not each other
But our friends
We needed this
To calm the rhythm
Of our racing hearts
So damn you pride
Then few weeks later
2 lost souls as we’re walking
And our minds drifted
In some dream
But as we passed by each other
We just looked
Our eyes met for in instant
Nothing happened
We kept walking
None looked back
It’s all over
We killed the love
In our young hearts
That’s our story
How it started and how it went
So damn my pride.
And damn yours
And those eyes of yours
They just lure
In all the moors and all the toads
They worship you
Except me
But here’s the truth
Between you and me
You’re a goddess
You’re the goddess of all lust
All the women are just shadows
I don’t see them
All the beauties right besides you
They would just
Turn to dust
You’re the goddess of all the lust
And I can speak a 1000 lies
I can write 1000 rhymes
A 1000 spells
But here’s the truth
I just love you…
I just love you
Hold me tight
I just love you
It must feel right
I just love you
And this light
In your eyes
Your charming eyes
You won’t believe
So let me leave
Let me leave and rest in peace
On our graves
As they’re cry us
With dry tears
With no names and no dates
On our grave
They will write
Lonely lived and lonely died
Damn their pride

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

confession of love

sometimes when i stop thinking of you
i think i should think some more
of all the good reason you cought my eyes
you stole my thoughts
and made my dreams
then i feel so blue
it's not about me any more
it's you
it's all about you
a whole realm
of me and you
you haunt my dream
it looks so real
and surreal
it made me believe in you
and when i awake
i smile
half a smile and half a frown
one half for you
the frown for me that i don't have you
so would it be
that it's me
who's haunting you

Psychoses V (grand finale)




Insomniac for 9 months
i confronted my demons
Whispers in my head drive me to wonder
About life and its meaning
Why am I here
Do you think
Do you think
Do you think
Voices and visions from far distance
My days and nights seemed endless
My suffering seemed shoreless
And then it was all ended
I was a newborn
Under the calm craziness of the night
I regained my sanity
And the nonsense passion for vengeance
But from whom
And for whom sake
Think
Think
Think
But I didn’t want my brain to work
I needed a hideout from my thoughts
And so I went silenced
3 days of calmness
Was it serenity precedes insanity of a storm
I cried and cried and cried for months
Wetting the verses of holiness with my hopeless tears
And I’m the cold hearted that have never known tears
I’m the fearless hopeless who knows no petty
I’m the one who treasure the present
I have no regrets for the past
And no plans for tomorrow
I’m the one who Mocks pain and sorrow
But I’m the one with hysteric madness
That blows every once and a while leaves nothing but ashes of marvels
Beneath this crazy calm lies a sleeping volcano
And I saw marvelous gift of the beginning of life
And I so that life giving up to soon
Would heaven shed a tear for me
Or heaven would weep for her
Would heaven deny a sinner
Or would it aid the pure spirit
I felt wholeness
Whispers and visions from all the distance
Sufferings and rejoice
Prayers and songs
The good and the bad
Old and new
Chanting and blasphemies
Life and deaths
All came together
And I felt I am one with the very soul of heaven
Emerging from blind dark core of hell
Insomniac
Amnesiac
But I felt alive
A reborn
Revived from all my doubts
And I had but one faith
I am the designer of my destiny
Under the eyes of the lord
Watching my steps
Leading me to no frustration
I and I alone own this moment
And tomorrow is a new day
Always
Smiled at an angel
Frowned at evil
Hissing
Like a black terrified cat
under the eye of the sun
amnesiac
with no memories remain
I conquered my demons